I'm not strong enough to love you... I... ... feel like you're part of my soul... white hot...

Every thing I feel for you is overwhelming..

I hope that you're okay... I hope that you are happy.. I hope that you are enjoying your time with your son...

I breath you in.. and every thought is ruled by you..

Be well and know that I only want you happy...

Serendipity

I write here with safety because I know no one ever reads this blog. I don't think anyone really knows that it's here. I guess that's a very good thing. A place for me to keep my thoughts open yet a place for others to come and read... If they really want.


I miss you. I think about you ever moment of every day.

Constant.

You know... that if you go to my twitter account.. my _livetoday account that the last word I posted the last real post.. I posted ONE word.... November 9th....serendipity.... I remember telling myself that I wanted NOTHING to do with you or the way you made me feel.

*SIGH*

I remember talking to a friend of mine... telling her.... that you were to much for me... you were too intense...

I remember.. thinking that the song "BooM" by Anjulie... fit everything..

To say the least....

I miss you with every breath.... I miss you and it feels like it's killing me...

I miss you like no other...

and it makes me angry.... because I don't think that you do miss me.. not one bit..

There was a time were we'd not go more then 5 hours without talking... and now it's days.....

If there is someone else... I hope she loves you... and I hope that she makes you happy...

serendipity........

    She leans into him tasting his sweet lips. His breathing so soft, so shallow; his sleeping form so at peace. The normal furrow of his brow relaxed the whole of his faces at peace. She breaths in a heavy sigh watching She knows ever small line of his face. Her hands reach out to touch him softly. Running her fingers over his eyebrows then softly down his cheeks and feeling the bristly touch of the stubble. Gasping softly at her touch reaching up to grab her hand hard in his, squeezing and pulling it away. All of it sudden yet not unexpected by her. His eyes open, long lashes hood his lovely eyes. The deep dark rich chocolate depths of them seem to pierce right through her. Making her heart stutter and pull hard. Realizing that it's her; his hand relaxes, letting her fingers go to continue tracing the outline of his face. Her smile grows large and she leans in to kiss him. Touching her lips first to his eyebrows, then softly to the bow of his nose. The kisses lingering longer every time she moves her lips. Pressing her lips, softly, sweetly to his lips. Her breath seeming to catch in her throat, her hands move to cup his face. Pulling him deeper into to the kiss. Tongues touching ever so briefly, more then that the feeling of every breath mingling and then pressing together.

     Her body presses closer to him, his hand resting on her hip pulling her tighter into him. Her fingers trailing down his sides tugging on the edge of his shirt, rolling the fabric up. Touching his skin sends soft electrical jolts through her. Planting kissing him deeper. His fingers rolling over her spine touching there with feather light strokes. Causing her to growl softly. Her teeth nipping and tugging at his lower lip. Her hands rolling firmly over his skin taking the shirt up and off with it. Nipping and dragging her teeth across his jaw line slowly letting her warm breath curl around his earlobe before gently tugging and sucking on it. Rolling her leg over his hip and grind into him. His hands grabbing and clawing for purchase on her skin. Gripping her closer. His mouth slowly moving over her collar bone, scraping his teeth along the smooth skin then sucking softly. Soft whimpered gasp rolls across her lips and softly into his ear. Pressing into him, rolling him onto his back. Grinding down feeling him hard and pressing up into her. His hands fall to her hips pressing her down and pushing up into her all at the same time. The heat of her pussy pressing into him causes them both to gasp softly. Her fingers reach down and tug at the hem of her shirt, pulling it up and over her head while grinding down tight all in the same motion. His warm hands reach up cupping the fullness of her breast and rolling his fingers over the taunt nipples.

     Her soft hand presses between them, he feels tight and trapped against the pressure of his boxers. Leisurely in tight circles she rolls her fingers over her clit, slowly closing her eyes and biting her lower lip. Teasing the back of her fingers over him, each time causes him to arch into her. Leaning up, shifting from one side then to the other her fingers slowly working his boxers down over his waist and hips. Her fingers turn to roll over the head of his hard cock, the soft silken feel of it causing her to sigh deeply. His hand slowly rolls down her arm to grab her wrist tight. Almost as if he's trying to pull her hand away and at the same time control her soft fingers. With deft swiftness she rolls her fingers down then slowly back up her upward movements pressing him so close to the warm slick opening of her pussy. Her knees pressing close to his hips, raising her body up watching his faces as she uses her fingers to slowly spread her lips and slide him against the slick wet opening. Sliding down, gasping softly as she rolls down pressing him so deep. Watching him as he presses and settles deep within her. Rolling into him with languid movements. His hands gripping her waist and pulling her down while thrusting up solid into her. Her eyes snapping closed, one hand resting on her thigh the other wrapping around his wrist. Rocking and grinding down into him, sweet low gasps and moans fall from her lips. Slowly they move every thrust of his hard cock slamming into the deep core of her. With more forceful movements she presses down into him. Sliding his hand up to rest on her shoulder pushing her down with every hard thrust up. Each ragged breath of his followed by her sweeter softer moan. Each movement becomes sharper, harder the rhythm staying steady and slow. Every tense movement has him sliding out then back deep into her.

     Whispering softly to him "please... please.... please...." Her body tensing, shuddering, tensing again. The feel of her squeezing around him pulling at him. Causing him to grab her hips and push solidly throbbing into her. As everything feels as if it's coming undone. Rolling down his spine through her and back down in him crashing into his brain. Cumming thick and hot, her body shivers and squeezes around him. Her eyes slowly open. She looks down grinning sheepishly at him, rolling and curling down into him. Kissing his lips softly. 

"I want to empty my essence into you"

"I'd tell you that I'm falling in love with you...."

"Christa, I don't know how to make this more clear, I desire you"

it makes my heart hurt to think about these things..... To think on it all .... it hurts....

I miss you.... I wish you the best... I hope you are happy....

I'm always on your side....

You won't even look here.. I'm sure.

I miss you so very much.. Every moment is filled with you.. thoughts of you.. I'm growing sick and weary of it. It's eating at my soul to think that my life will be spent without you.. because I can't stand to be near you and not be yours. Your not mine.

I feel like death is coming for me.. and I welcome him. For my life seems empty and devoid of anything worth fighting for..

i guess maybe i should start writing them down again.

tonight was smooth black glass every where i looked, everywhere i went.

i woke up feeling fevered and dizzy